Crystal Anders likes to party. If the fact that she has five sons ages 5 through 12 at the tender age of 30 doesn’t tell you that then perhaps it’s the weed she keeps on her coffee table along with her bong. You know, just in case her children need a quick hit? Then there’s also the loaded firearms she keeps laying around, because nothing is more awesome then some stoner with five kids stumbling around a 9mm with one in the chamber, am I right guys?

So like most drug users Crystal was sharing a filthy hovel with some other degenerate. Unsurprisingly, they had a falling out and Crystal’s roommate wanted to leave. But Crystal didn’t want to allow her friend to get his stuff, so the police were called. Hilarity ensued:

Investigators said they went to Anders’ home on Tuesday to assist a former occupant of the home who needed help from the sheriff’s office to retrieve belongings he had left behind.

Once officers arrived, they said they saw marijuana and drug paraphernalia in the living room. Investigators then obtained a search warrant to look around the home.

During their search, deputies said they went to a second-floor bedroom where Anders’ five sons stay. Deputies said the bedroom contained mattresses that were lying on the floor next to feces.

In addition, deputies said the home has holes in the walls, a door propped up against a wall and a broken stair leading from the first floor to the second floor.

Investigators also said firearms were kept in the home in a place that was easily accessible to the children.

Yeah, seems like Crystal really liked to party. But if only weed were legal this would have turned out differently, right stoners?

cross posted at Greenville Dragnet.

But I suppose if drugs were legal coke addicts would never do something like this, right Libertarians?

AGINAW, Mich. (AP) – Police in Michigan  say a 45-year-old woman with a cocaine habit let a 67-year-old man have sex with a 10-year-old girl she was caring for in exchange for the drug.

Angela A. Blackwell of Saginaw Township is charged with first-degree criminal sexual conduct and pandering.

She remained in jail Wednesday pending a preliminary hearing set for March 30. Her lawyer did not immediately return a phone call seeking comment.

Police are searching for Johnnie L. Griffin on first- and second-degree criminal sexual conduct and firearms charges.

If convicted, the pair could be sentenced to at least 25 years in prison.

Detective Sgt. Joseph Dutoi tells The Saginaw News that Griffin had sex with the girl between September and February, while she was in Blackwell’s care.

Breitbart has video.

This story is a little different though in that a) the baby wasn’t hurt and b) when the stoner sobered up he did the right thing.

From KFVS:

PADUCAH, KY (KFVS) – A 34-year-old father who lives in the Paducah area was arrested Monday after he apparently put his five-week-old child inside an oven.

The McCracken County Sheriff’s Department identifies the suspect as Larry Long, 34, who lives on Cold Springs Road in the Reidland community.  Long was booked into the McCracken County Regional Jail on charges of wanton endangerment.

According to deputies, the infant’s mother told investigators she was awakened Monday morning by the sound of a baby crying.  She said she went into the kitchen and found the child in the oven.  The door was not completely shut and the oven was turned off.

Detectives believe the child could have been in the oven for a few hours.  The child was taken to a hospital for observation but was not hurt.

Long said he must have unknowingly placed the child in the oven, which investigators believe he likely did as a result of alcohol and/or drug use.  Detectives said it was reported Long had smoked marijuana before leaving work Sunday night; Long told investigators it made him feel strange and that the marijuana may have been laced with something.  He also claimed he had been hallucinating.

Together, both Long and the child’s mother drank about a fifth of whiskey when Long returned home from work, investigators said.  The mother went to sleep after taking several shots of whiskey around 11 p.m. or midnight, but Long reportedly finished off the bottle of whiskey.

The couple have two other children in the house who have been removed from the mother’s custody. Maybe when you’re 34 and have three kids to take care of getting stoned and drunk is something you should have outgrown.

Long at least did the right thing after this and turned himself in … to a mental hospital. Close but no cigar Cheech, the shrinks called the cops and Long is sitting in county. He can hopefully use that time to sober up and start putting his life on track.

h/t Dreamin’ Demon

90% of men and 100% of women are going to have to take the word of lefty crime rag True Crime Report that Andrew Grande is indeed gay adult film actor Dustin Michaels. The important thing about this story is that a male stoner a) was fighting a woman in a parking lot and b) tried to hide his weed by swallowing it when cops showed up then c) attacked the cops while the baggie was still in his throat.

Gay or not a man is a man and shouldn’t be fighting women so frankly I don’t feel bad for him. But I suppose some legalization activist will tell me that drug use has nothing to do with hatching such an asinine plan as putting something too big to swallow in your mouth then attacking people with tasers.

There’s video. The cops try their best to save this woman beating douche, but to no avail. So if pot was legal the only thing that might have been different was that Grande wouldn’t have tried to hide the weed so he may have survived, but he still would have assaulted a woman and attacked cops. I guess that’s better?