What’s classier than eating defrosted chicken wings in an overpriced Times Square theme restaurant? Having those wings served to you by one of the thousands of New Yorkers with just enough pride to not want to strip for a living, but who will still take off their clothes for some vague promise of $500 a night. I mean, if I’m looking for a classy night out the first thing I say to my wife is “Hey honey, let’s hit a theme restaurant like Hooters, but with less clothes. And it wouldn’t hurt if they had a bunch of strippers who thought they were too good to dance in an actual club Pussycat Dolling it up while I wolf down a cheeseburger” at which point my wife just looks at me.

Just kidding, I’d never say that because I’m not a douchebag. If I want to see strippers I do so after my meal, and not that my wife’s not my best friend, but I prefer to not have my old lady sitting next to me while I tuck singles into the cleavage of the single mothers/lesbians whose most attractive feature is how much worse their lives are than yours.

If that’s how strip clubs work, I’ve never been.

But it seems I’m in severe disagreement with the managers of Hawaiian Tropic Zone. The managers there, managers who work at a restaurant on 42nd St where girls in bikinis serve inedible food to middle-aged virgins while a second rate cheerleading squad does the dance routines from In Living Color, think the above young lady isn’t classy enough for their fine establishment.

Apparently they told Melody Morales she’s “too ghetto” to work at HTZ, or as I like to call it Hooters 2.0. From the NY Post:

She had everything a bikini-themed restaurant could want – waitressing experience, ample motivation, and a more than ample bra size of 34-D.

But pretty Melody Morales says she was still rejected for a job at Times Square’s Hawaiian Tropic Zone – because she “talks ghetto.”

“We will not hire you because you have a ‘speech problem,'” a Hawaiian Tropic Zone manager told Morales, according to her million-dollar Manhattan Supreme Court discrimination lawsuit. “You have a Latin accent. You don’t speak white.”

Morales countered: “I’m five-foot-six. I’m slim and slender. I got boobs. Ok? I was perfect for the job.”

The restaurant is already reeling from a $600 million federal lawsuit from October, in which four waitresses say managers looked the other way while a general manager repeatedly sexually harassed and assaulted them.

Classy. Melody is sure missing out working there. But let’s be honest here, Melody is more qualified than most of their girls to bring sub-par dishes to men who aren’t allowed by their wives (or restraining orders) to actually visit strip clubs. She seems like she would do a great job catering to unimportant middle managers who frequent such places in an attempt to at least pretend they’re living the high life while eating HTZ’s famous and notoriously bland “Hung” (get it?) Barbecue Ribs with a side of their no doubt delicious pre-frozen garlic spinach. After all she’s worked at Hooters.

And she looks like this:

Whereas if I was a judgmental man I’d say the rest of the HTZ girls (all found on their website with pics and a short bio) range from equally as attractive as Melody to Hunt’s Point street walker in caliber. And while I haven’t heard any of these women speak, the charge that Melody Morales’ accent is more “ghetto” than the rest of the women is highly dubious, especially since three of them are from Brooklyn. And you know what those people sound like.

The managers apparently demand that the women working there “talk White” whatever that means. Here’s more class via The Daily News:

A former Hooters girl who says she’s got the right assets – but the wrong accent – is suing the Hawaiian Tropic Zone for crushing her dream of working as one of its bikini-clad beauties.

Melody Morales said she was rejected for a job by a manager at the Times Square restaurant who griped, “You don’t speak white” and “you are ghetto.”

The 21-year-old Latina lovely is the latest woman to sue over working conditions at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone, where employees in skimpy beachwear parade nightly before diners.

“Not to brag, but I look good in a bikini,” Morales said Tuesday. “I could have done a perfect job there.”

The suit says Morales went with her mother to the restaurant last March in search of a job. It claims a manager told her to get lost, saying, “I am not going to ruin my business with your Latin accent.“

So f’n classy. I wish I could go there now and order one of their “Bazoomba” platters. Who would have thought New York was full of bigots? I mean except for people like me who have actually lived there.

I hope Melody Morales gets millions. I also hope that those millions change her perspective on things. Also from The Daily News:

Morales, who said her dream job is to pour drinks while strutting her stuff in a bikini, returned to the Hawaiian Tropic Zone months later still in pursuit of a position.

Thanks for helping children realize their potential New York Public School teachers! You’re worth every penny.

After she was insulted she came back willing to work for the same people. Melody, you could do better than that. Red Alerts is behind you 100% so go to college, remember you’re more than just a collection of nice parts, and support Red Alerts by taking a photo of yourself holding up a sign that says “I Love Red Alerts!” in a bikini.

But not that Puerto Rican flag one, it’s kind of ghetto.